I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
