its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
