you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
