Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
