last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
