bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
