also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize