No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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