You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
