You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
