five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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