i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
