After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
