Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
