lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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