I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
