sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
