Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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