I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
