It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
is it fun? or sober?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
