I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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