I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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