Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
