rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
