it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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