My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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