I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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