I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
