My room smells like vodka and shame
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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