I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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