She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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