if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
