i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
