Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
