just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize