Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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