when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
