Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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