And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
