I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
