Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize