I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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