Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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