We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
