Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I will pee on everything he values.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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