i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we're so committed to being not committed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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