You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
