whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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