Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
