we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize