...so i touched it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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