I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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