note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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