That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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