Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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