I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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