I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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