Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
