Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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