Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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