took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
