Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
