Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
