The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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