Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
