The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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