I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
