just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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