Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
