This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
