i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
