brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
