I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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