My friends, they love my intelligence
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dignity is for republicans.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
