Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
