HIV tests are more positive than that guy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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