I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
