I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why can't burritos get me drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
