Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
