SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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