I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
