That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is my gift to your gina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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