There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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