There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
