drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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