Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
