thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
