shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
