So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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