so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
