two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The feeling are messing with the penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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