I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So vagazzling was a success
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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